Category Archives: Molly

Throwback Thursday: Scissornado

My kids just about sent me to crazyland tonight. So, for Throwback Thursday, I decided to remember it could be worse. In fact, it HAS been worse. Like the day they chopped each other’s hair off.

Ah, yes. Gather ’round and let’s re-live it together.

(Originally published December 10, 2013.)

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It’s 3:00 pm. Rest time is over, and I look up as my children casually bound down the stairs to join me in the living room. I notice Molly is still wearing the purple headband she had on earlier, but now her hair appears to also be in a ponytail – which I find curious, as she isn’t able to do this without my help.

“Molly, where’s your hair?” I laugh.

Cue “deer-in-headlights” looks on both children’s faces. Not a good sign.

Sitting bolt upright on the couch (not laughing now): “Molly. Where. Is. Your. Hair.”

Bulldozed by reality, I enter an out-of-body state. Body paralyzed, my mind helpfully narrates, “This is the moment. This is the moment when your children cut each other’s hair. This is happening.”

Then, “Holy $#!%, I need to get this on video.”

Behind the camera, I barely control a unique combination of belly laughter and gut-wrenching sobs as I continue to drill my children in disbelief.

It becomes painfully evident that while my son has only a chunk cut from the front of his hair…

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… my daughter’s hair has been obliterated:

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(by these little WMD’s.) (Which have been banned indefinitely.)

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We have a stern little (big) chat about the danger of their actions (hello, miraculously uninjured ears, fingertips, EYEBALLS) and then proceed to the children’s salon to shape up Molly’s new pixie cut.

I require each child to pony up money toward the cost of the fix. $5 from Owen for cutting his sister’s hair; $5 from Molly for letting him. (It had taken them approximately 4 years to save the money – and it had taken Molly 4 years to grow her hair to her shoulders. Sounds about fair to me.)

Owen doesn’t get a professional fix. (Daddy’s clippers have been dying to get a hold of his luscious locks for quite awhile already. Pictures will follow as soon as I get Daddy to bite the bullet and shave the boy’s head.)

It’s been a week, we’re all still alive, and I’m starting to recognize my daughter again… Allow me  to introduce the sweetest little pixie I ever did see:

Molly Rocks Out (& a Free Printable!)

I don’t know if it’s the three day weekend that threw me off or what, but I just can’t find my footing this week! Maybe that’s why I love these words today:

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(NO you CANNOT download that image.) (Because AFTER I published this everywhere, I realized I MISSPELLED ROOSEVELT.)

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Apparently, “What I can” is NOT SPELL.

But, lucky for you, what I HAVE is 25 seconds of a pure gold consolation prize. I present to you, “Molly Rocks Out” (aka “Molly Figured Out How To Take A Video Of Herself On My Phone”).

She really hits her stride about nine seconds in.

You’re welcome.

That time Molly shouted PENIS in the hardware store.

We’re in the local hardware store. You know that old school kind – part hardware, part hoarders episode.

Matt is trolling the aisles looking for a wrench. Owen and Molly are oohing and aahing like they’re in a museum. So many little treasures!

Suddenly: “MOMMY! You have GOT to see this.”

I look toward Owen and see a cherubim-like figurine. “Aw, that’s cute, buddy.”

“Mommmm.” He points to the figurine again. His eyes plead for me to look closer.

I nod and smile at his bizarre eclectic taste.

“NEENER NEENER NEENER,” he sings loudly while pointing to his boy parts.

“What are you doing, son!?”

He looks again to the figurine which I finally notice is anatomically correct. And male.

Matt and Molly arrive on the scene. Molly proceeds to shout, “”LOOK, Mommy! It has a PENIS!”

Matt bursts out laughing. (Of course, this is Molly’s cue to repeat whatever she just did.)

cherubWe then walk the full length of the store to the register while Molly proclaims in varied tone and volume, “PENIS. PENIS. PENIS.”

Matt is laughing. Owen is doing some sort of jig. I, meanwhile, am receiving two disapproving looks, one snicker, and a full-out glare from my fellow shoppers.

NO WE DID NOT PURCHASE THE PENIS ANGEL.

But, if you’re in need of one, be sure to check your local hardware store.