I brought a generous dose of insecurity with me to the She Speaks conference this weekend. (So much that I didn’t leave room for my toothbrush, apparently.) (Free hotel toothbrush for the win.)
Despite my insecurity, I tried to practice what I had just “preached” last week – “our sure footing, peace, and purpose is found not in the calling, but in the ONE WHO CALLS.” I preached it to myself, put on my big girl panties, and walked into the conference with my head held high.
I kept on preaching it to myself through the sea of very-well-put-together-I-wish-I-knew-how-to-dress-like-that-OMG-HAIR-ENVY-can-you-tell-I’m-so-intimidated-by-you women.
And I just plain tried to set my heart on Jesus.
Before long, my inner dialogue shifted. It sounded more like, “Maybe God will show me there’s not really anything to feel insecure about. That I’m just like the rest of the women here. That I have things more ‘together’ than I give myself credit for.”
But – spoiler alert – He promptly nipped all that in the bud. What He ACTUALLY showed me went more like this:
“I have it even LESS together than I thought. But He’s going to use me anyway.”
I mean really, you guys. Take early Saturday morning:
After nearly leaving my room with mascara on just one eye and my underwear inside-out, I squeezed onto a packed elevator for a ride down to the lobby. We descended. The doors opened, and I strode from the elevator. Three confident steps later, I halted, confused. I realized my mistake, spun around, and found the elevator still full. Of pitying expressions.
Sheepishly: “We’re not on the first floor yet are we…”
“No, honey.” A merciful woman was already holding the elevator for my return.
What could I do but laugh? It was so clear – from forgetting my toothbrush the day before, to pouring coffee down my front just an hour after The Elevator Incident – I do not have it all together. Not even a little bit.
It was freeing, actually. Kind of like God gave me permission to feel like a mess – AND STILL BE CALLED.
I wasn’t there to find out I have what it takes to fulfill this calling. I was there to be reminded that God will call me to do things I CAN’T POSSIBLY FINISH.
And the verse rushes back again, the last phrase now beating like a drum:
The one who calls you is faithful, and HE. WILL. DO. IT.
What are you trusting God to do through you? Create something beautiful? Raise brave, kind children? Have a thriving marriage? Juggle a full-time job and a full-time family?
if when it feels too massive (and you feel too messy) to even make a dent, remember who called you. Remember who is faithful. Remember who will do it.
He doesn’t call you because you have it all together.
He calls you because He loves you.
Tell me, where do YOU dream of making an impact?