I have this thing I do every so often as I tuck in each kid at night – and Owen’s reaction has become the funniest. I snuggle him close and say (with great dramatic flair, as if I’ve never said this to him before), “Did you know… if God had lined up allllllllll the baby boys in the whole wide world, and He let me pick anyyyyyyyyy baby boy to be MY baby boy… do you know who I’d pick?”
He used to grin and excitedly say, “Me!” And I’d squeeze him tight and say, “You! Yes, you. Every time, you.”
Now he’s Too Cool For That, and he cuts me off at “if God lined up…,” rolls his eyes, and says, “I know, I know. You’d pick me.”
The little punk still grins as I finish the story and squeeze the snot out of him anyway.
But last night I felt prompted to change it up a bit. This time, when he interrupted with the eye roll and the grin, I said, “Wait, no. This is a different one. This time, I mean if God came to me right now and lined up alllllllll the boys in the whole wide world and He said, ‘You’ve had your boy for almost seven years. If you’d like to, you can have a do-over.’ – and He let me choose any boy. Do you know what I’d do?”
Owen just looked at me. We’d had a hard day, he and I. I don’t know if he was sure what I’d do, to be honest.
I looked him in the eyes and said, “I would say, ‘No, thank you. I still choose Owen.’ And then God would say, ‘I thought so.'”
Owen grinned extra wide and let me hug him extra tight.
Do you ever wonder if God wishes He could have a do-over with you? Like, sure, Jesus died on the cross for me – but only because He didn’t actually know me yet. He didn’t know what I’d be like. That I’d be in my mid-thirties, still not quite able to get my sh*t together. How many times I’d fail. And fail the same way again. And then find all new ways to fail.
Well let me tell you something. Did you know…
He did know you. He knew you before you were formed in your mother’s womb, and He knew you before the earth was created. He didn’t die for you because He didn’t know you well enough to know any better. He died for you because He DID know you and He decided you were WORTH IT.
You are worth it.
Even in His knowing, you are worth it.