Room at the table.

“Am I broken as a mother if I’m not sad about my kids going to school? They’re about to start preschool and I’m not crying. My heart doesn’t hurt. It does NOT seem like just yesterday they were born. It seems like 3.5 and 2 VERY LONG, HARD YEARS AGO.”

“The more I read blogs & Facebook posts from everyone out there, the more I feel like I am THE ONLY ONE who is thinking ‘finally!!’ instead of ‘already??’ about my kids growing up.”

“It feels like everyone else has all this mushy, heart-wrenching, gut-stabbing love for their kids, and I’m like they’re great and all, wouldn’t want to lose them, but this motherhood thing has primarily sucked from the get-go with the occasional bright spot.”

“If ONE MORE PERSON tells me to savor every moment, I am GOING. TO. VOMIT.”

This is just a sample of comments I’ve heard in the past week. And I know these moms are not alone in how they feel (or don’t feel).

Can you relate?

I hope you already know this, but in case you’re not sure: crying about sending your kids to school doesn’t make you a good mom.

Showing up day after day and BEING THEIR MOM makes you a good mom.

More than a handful of times last week, my tent was pitched firmly in the “GET THESE KIDS OUT OF HERE” camp. Y’all, I am not the mom who says “savor every moment.” Please. Not every moment of motherhood is… well… savory?

But because of that, when I DO have a moment like I did last week, where I FEEL the full & fierce weight of a mother’s love, it’s a sacred moment to me. It’s because I DON’T feel that way all the time that I want to capture it when I DO.  That’s why I wrote last week’s post.

Praise God, love is MORE THAN A FEELING. Right? We know this. Love is a choice. Love is action. Love is showing up. And praise God, some things are TRUE whether we FEEL them or not.

So it is with God’s love for us. And so it is with our love for our children.

You have all the freedom in the world to feel exactly the way you feel.

Maybe it’s been a rough day or week or 3.5 YEARS. And so you FEEL like you wish your kids would grow up, get out, and give you some ever-loving peace.

This does not mean you are heartless and cold. This does not mean you don’t love your kids well. This does not mean the teary-eyed mom is a better, more “motherly” mother than you.

But let’s not forget the teary-eyed mom. Maybe THAT’S you. And you feel like you’re weak and emotional and wonder if you’re too attached to your kids. Or you wonder if that’s what other moms think of you.

Life can be hard, and motherhood can be downright brutal. But regardless of the emotion you feel (or don’t feel), the FACT remains:

You love your child. Do you want to vomit if one.more.person tells you to savor every moment? Or did you cry the ugly cry over your kid starting school? News flash - there is room at the table for all of us. And it’s time to cheer each other on as we keep showing up. A must-read for moms of all kinds.

You would die for that child.

You are a mother.

Keep showing up. Love those kids the best you know how.

And, back to the question: Are you broken as a mother?

YES.

WE ARE ALL BROKEN.

We’re ALL broken moms, aren’t we? And isn’t that okay?

CAN THAT PLEASE BE OKAY?

Can we please cheer for each other as we keep showing up?

There is room at the table for all of us.

9 thoughts on “Room at the table.

  1. Mom

    Well said, my dear one. Just so you know (true confession here!) ,even though I was NOT working outside the home, I sent you to Kindercare at 2 1/2 just so I could breathe and that you would live to become the wonderful woman that you are today! (I did keep your 10 month old brother at home with me!)

    Reply
  2. Bonny @oysterbed7

    Well said!! The last thing we mom’s need to do is judge each other. We are all on the same team. I beat myself up enough, I don’t need my neighbor mom helping me. And you know that Office Depot commercial, “It’s the Most Wonderful Day of The Year?” Or the McD’s where mom’s are doing he happy dance at the bus stop. Well, that’s me….

    Reply
  3. Helen Boulos

    I love this post. I actually wrote one of the “don’t want my kids to go back to school,” posts, but every year is different for me. When the kids were younger, say 5, 3 and 1, well I needed the older two out of the house at preschool for a bit so I could take the shower I had wanted to for three months of the summer. I stank. But as they get older it gets harder for me to send them back. I am a huge fan of no judgement momm-ying. As you say so eloquently there absolutely is room for all of us. I love your blog.

    Reply
    1. amandauher Post author

      Helen, thank you so much for reading and thanks for your comment! Glad to have you at the table! 🙂

      Reply
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