Owen got some bad news this morning.
We awoke to his shouts: “DADDY! I have FOUR DOLLARS! I only need one more dollar and then I’ll have FIVE DOLLARS! Then I can buy the golf thing from Dick’s!”
“You said it was five dollars! I almost have five dollars!”
“Oh, buddy. FIFTY dollars. It’s fifty dollars.”
His eyes clouded with disappointment. But he recovered quickly. His eyes cleared, and with strengthened resolve, he said, “Mommy, I need more jobs that pay dollars today.”
Can we just acknowledge the miracle there?
He could’ve thrown a fit about not easily getting what he wants.
He could’ve thrown his hands up and said, “FIFTY DOLLARS!? I don’t have FIFTY dollars! I only want it if it’s FIVE dollars. Never mind.”
But instead, he regrouped and adjusted his plan to account for the higher cost.
And I can’t get it out of my head.
How many things have I chosen, THINKING I had counted the cost, only to find out the price was much higher than I’d expected?
I’m not talking about getting to the register and finding out the jeans AREN’T on sale.
I’m talking about my marriage.
I’m talking about having children.
I’m talking about following Jesus.
Whatever I estimated the cost to be at the outset, I can assure you it has proven to be higher than I expected. On all counts.
Does this mean I chose incorrectly?
During the first year of our marriage (and several seasons since then), that’s exactly what I thought. I feared that if our marriage was this hard – this costly – we must’ve made a mistake.
Through the first two months of Owen’s life, that’s what I thought. I couldn’t understand why it all felt SO HARD. I felt trapped and alone and disappointed. (And guilty for feeling all of that.)
I’ve certainly gone through this disillusionment in my relationship with Jesus.
These are pivotal moments. Life-altering moments. These are moments you have to decide, “Did I want this because I thought it wasn’t costly? Or did I choose this because it’s important to me? How high a price am I willing to pay?”
We can spend a lot of time calculating how much we’re willing to pay, or how hard we’re willing to work for something. We can spend even more time debating if it was all the right decision to begin with. (To marry him. To have a baby already – or after all this time. To choose to follow Jesus.)
Sometimes we need to stop calculating and debating and just DECIDE: “It doesn’t matter. Whatever the cost. I’m all in.”
In The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, Lucy asked Aslan:
“Can anything be done to save Edmund?”
“All shall be done,” said Aslan. “But it may be harder than you think.”
Just because something is more costly than you expected doesn’t mean it was the wrong thing to do or choose.
Sometimes the high cost is the proof it’s more valuable than you thought.
*If you’re in an abusive relationship, THAT is a cost no one should pay. Abuse is in no way what I’m referring to in this post. If you’re in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.