How to NOT win husband of the year.

I arrive home from the Y the other night and my low back starts seizing up. I’ve never had back spasms before, and the pain literally stops me in my tracks. Matt’s sitting across the living room, and I – frozen mid-stride in my walk past the couch – yell, “MY BACK! MY BACK IS SEIZING UP. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.”

Startled, Matt looks up from his laptop: What?

Me: MY BACK. MY. BACK. WHAT DO I DO!?

Matt: Can you sit down?

Me: I DON’T KNOW.

Matt: Can you turn?

Me: I DON’T KNOW.

Matt: Put your arms out in front of you.

Me: What? Okay. AHH IT HURTS.

Matt: Lean forward.

Me: I THINK I’M DYING.

Matt: Now bend your knees.

Me: Okay. (Whispering now, fearing a blackout from the pain.)

And here we reach the point where you realize I am out of my mind in pain, blindly following instructions from my DEAR HUSBAND who is clearly just making s#%t up to mess with me. Now is also the point when Matt starts fishing around for his phone to take a picture. Meanwhile, I look like this girl – except imagine her face contorted while yelling at her husband.

back spasm

Finally, I grab the couch for support, lower myself into a full squat, and then basically tip over into the fetal position on the floor. Matt NEVER EVEN GOT UP. Thankfully he also didn’t find his phone in time to take a picture.

Miraculously, my back is better now. Even more miraculously, Matt & I are still married.

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