I probably shouldn’t be allowed to publish anything I write today. I’m in a horrible mood. I haven’t had coffee today, and most of my brain cells are lying dormant. The ones who are awake are just really pissed off.
Why haven’t I had coffee today? Well, I had a really genius idea that involved things like “getting our eating on track,” “resetting my cravings,” “taking better care of our bodies,” “blahblahblahblahblahblah.”
So, folks, we’re doing a 7-day cleanse. It’s a
stupid idea really good thing, and Matt’s doing it with me. My sister-in-law Michelle is a genius about this stuff, and she’s given us all the info & support we need to succeed. It’s a “whole foods cleanse” – 7 days of nutrient-rich, anti-inflammatory fruit, veggies, & proteins, high-quality fats, and ultra-nourishing bone-vegetable broth. Also, no gluten, sugar, dairy, alcohol, or caffeine.
Michelle did mention that I’m allowed to have an it’s-an-emergency-must-consume-to-survive single cup of black coffee. After 2 pm. Seriously? I’ve normally had four cups by 2 pm. This is insanity. So, will I take advantage the emergency cup of 2 pm coffee today? Damn straight. But lucky for you, I’m writing this pre-coffee. So welcome to Day 1: Unfiltered and Really Pissy.
Early this morning wasn’t as wretched as anticipated. But then my kids started yelling, “Mom, you’re sleeping!” when apparently I dozed off during school time.
I will say I’m grateful that somehow I haven’t started with the notorious Caffeine Headaches yet. But it’s like I’m somewhere past that on the scale of detox symptoms. As in, I can’t form sentences well and don’t think I’ll be driving my car today.
Michelle warned me I wouldn’t feel awesome the first couple of days. Actually, her exact text was, “You may not feel wonderful and buzzing around like a bee for a few days but it will only lead to better things.”
You were right, Michelle. I am not buzzing around like a bee today. I am more like a bee who is dead. An angry dead bee. Lying on the ground. Dead. And angry.
If you’re disappointed in the negative tone of this post, I’ll be honest, I really don’t care. I’m sure a few days from now I’ll be witty & inspirational. And cleansed. But today, not so much.
Time to warm up a steamy mug of bone broth. It’s actually delicious and I love it. But it doesn’t contain caffeine, so I am also mad at it.
I’ll write more tomorrow if I feel like it.